12 Jul

“Some kind of fish?” asks Prime Minister Cameron


LONDON—the scandal surrounding Barclays Bank and the rigging of Libor submissions deepened today as regulators announced that they were making headway in their efforts to understand exactly what “Libor” is.

“We are increasingly confident that it has something to do with banks,” said Adair Turner, chairman of the UK’s Financial Services Authority.

The breakthrough comes a few days after ex-CEO Bob Diamond’s controversial testimony to Parliament, in which he rubbed money all over his body and presented a slide show of his island collection, and then stuck his fingers in his ears and hummed loudly as MPs questioned him on the details of the Libor scandal.

MP Simon Filigree, who is leading a committee investigating the scandal, said that he welcomed the news. “I understood that it was some kind of literary competition.” Filigree said that his committee would leave no stone unturned, even going so far as to “look it up on Wikipedia.”

Deputy PM Nick Clegg has consistently been one of the voices most critical of Barclays Bank and Bob Diamond. “Rigging Libor is completely unacceptable,” he said in a prepared statement. “Whether Libor turns out to something involving boats, or horse racing, or a game played by several consenting middle-aged couples in a private home, Barclays should leave it alone.”

Barclays’ legal situation took a turn for the worse when the regulator released emails from traders that endorsed kicking puppies, smoking, and Satan.

“I would like to say that these 4.6 million messages are an isolated incident and in no way reflect the broader culture of Barclays Bank,” said bank spokesman Marcus LePeyre. “I should also add that there may well be someone else at Barclays named Marcus LePeyre who writes tasteful erotic stories about a naughty all-girl band of elves. If so, I’ve never heard of the guy.”

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