Mitt Romney picks Mitt Romney as running mate

23 Jul

BOSTON–Mitt Romney today announced that he was choosing the version of himself that ran in the Republican primaries as his running mate, a bold choice that instantly won acclaim from political commentators.

“Conventional wisdom states that you should choose someone different from yourself, and no one’s more different from General Election Romney than Primary Campaign Romney,” said Ann Coulter. “This adds a down-the-line conservative to a ticket that otherwise would look very moderate. It’s a great choice.”

Republican support for the choice was tremendous. “Primary Romney has the courage to say things that General Election Romney never would,” said Sarah Palin, the last Republican VP nominee. “Like me, he knows that the greatest threats facing America today are liberals, Russians, and aliens with death lasers. And he knows that the solution to all these problems is a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.”

Some observers were worried that the two Romneys might not get along. “I mean, these guys don’t agree on anything,” said Rush Limbaugh, an expert on prescription-drug benefit programs. “Health care, taxes, abortion, regulation – they just have nothing in common.”

The Obama campaign again found itself unprepared to respond. “Frankly, my hat’s off to both Romneys,” said David Plouffe. “I mean, it’s even going to make their yard signs easier to print. These guys think of everything.”

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