Romney to cross Atlantic; Rick Perry afraid he may fall off edge of the world

24 Jul

RENO—Mitt Romney continued with his plans to travel to Europe tomorrow, ignoring the pleas of Gov. Rick Perry (R—Texas), who has expressed his concerns that Romney may fall off the edge of the world or be eaten by a sea monster.

“We just have no idea what’s over there,” said Perry to a ballroom full of Romney supporters. “His ship could be devoured by the kraken, or mermaids could whisk him away to a watery doom, or there’s a third possibility which I can’t remember right now.”

The Romney campaign dismissed the possibility that the candidate could disappear forever after leaving US territorial waters. “Mitt is confident that another world, an Old World, if you will, exists due east of America,” said campaign manager Matt Rhoade. “Not, of course, that he has ever been there, or thinks that any foreign country compares favorably with any part of the United States,” he hastily added.

Perry, however, was unmollified. “But what happens when we get to the edge of my 1980 Rand McNally map of America? What happens if we lose our candidate? Where could we possibly find another tall governor with great hair to take his place, ideally one who has led an even bigger state?”

The pundits mostly agreed with Rhoade. “No matter the risks, Romney has to visit London, so that he can tell our strongest ally how much better the Olympics were when he ran them,” said Kent Brockbridge, professor of political science at the University of Eastern West Virginia.

After the UK, Romney plans to visit Israel, where he will lay out a nuanced and pragmatic plan for peace in the Middle East, and then Poland, where he will take a courageous stand against Communism, according to the campaign.

In order to reinforce his Everyman image, Romney will leave the Boeing 757 at home and fly in a chartered Cessna CJ4, “just like your average blue-collar worker heading to the factory,” said the candidate.

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