Romney to reveal real VP pick later this week

12 Aug

BOSTON—after a much-needed moment of levity, in which the Romney campaign pretended to pick unelectable ideologue Paul Ryan as running mate, a spokesman confirmed that the actual candidate would be revealed “later this week, or perhaps early next week.”

 

“But seriously, folks,” said campaign spokesman Ed Kerblick, “we are going to have a real announcement for you—the actual VP nominee—probably on Thursday or Friday.”

 

The Romney campaign won praise from all sides of the political spectrum for what pundits are already calling one of the most clever practical jokes ever played during a campaign, putting forward lightning-rod congressman Rep. Paul Ryan (R—Wisconsin) as the running mate with a straight face.

 

“We all know Romney’s a prankster,” said Susie McDermott, Professor of Political and Russian Studies at the University of Alaska. “But even I didn’t think he’d have the cojones to get Ryan’s name out there and leave it for a full news cycle.”

 

While virtually all politicians and seasoned observers immediately recognized the so-called nomination as a joke, some Tea Party activists had thought Romney was serious, and were devastated when they learned it had simply been a way of lightening the national mood.

 

“We all thought it had to be too good to be true,” said Tom McFracken, chairman of the Michigan Angry People Alliance. “Romney’s been playing it so safe this whole time, and then he goes out there and throws a Hail Mary like this—we were really excited.” McFracken’s face fell. “I guess you can’t really expect Romney to alienate three-quarters of the country just to get his base fired up.”

 

Senior Obama advisor David Plouffe was still chuckling in an interview the next day. “I mean, obviously it was a joke, but it was a good one,” he said, smiling broadly. “Sure, we would have loved it to be true—but of course Romney was never going to handcuff himself to a nutjob like that.”

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