Kim Jong Eun worried that Paul Ryan is a “crazy madman”

14 Aug

PYONGYANG—Kim Jong Eun, the reclusive dictator of North Korea, shared today his concern that Paul Ryan is a “complete lunatic” and “utterly heartless.”

“I mean, he seems friendly and all,” said Eun in a rare, candid interview. “But when I actually read that budget plan? This guy makes Jim DeMint look like Dennis Kucinich.” Eun went on to express his fears that Ryan’s proposed spending cuts would fall disproportionately on “vulnerable working-class and elderly Americans.”

Eun, who is better known for bloodthirsty anti-Western rhetoric and provocative military demonstrations, made the comments in a two-hour interview with South Korean television. After forty minutes of threatening to drench America in its own blood and destroy Seoul with a thousand pillars of nuclear fire, he took an unexpected detour to discuss the American presidential election.

“I mean, Romney seems like a reasonable man who had to move right for the primaries,” said Eun. “I’d like to see more specificity in his tax and health-care proposals, because I can’t get the numbers to add up, you know? But Paul Ryan—that guy just scares the daylights out of me.”

Ryan, campaigning in Iowa, responded to Kim Jong Eun’s attacks.

“I guess people have a pretty cushy life in North Korea,” said Ryan at a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids. “But I believe that people other than me should look to the private sector, not the government, for income and health care.”

“I agree with what Paul said,” said Mitt Romney later in the day, after getting permission from Ryan to respond. “That’s okay, right?”

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