Romney gives today’s hint on his taxes: “It’s bigger than a breadbox”

17 Aug

BOSTON—as part of his campaign’s clever approach to keeping national attention squarely on the Republican ticket, Mitt Romney today released another clue as to how much tax he has paid in the last decade.

 

“So, if you took all my taxes, converted them to twenty-dollar bills, and put them next to each other in a little pile, the pile would be bigger than a breadbox,” said Romney, in a rare press conference. “Also, you wouldn’t want to leave it on the back seat of your car in a rough neighborhood, if you know what I mean.”

 

Under further questioning from the media, Romney also said that the first number “rhymes with ‘-illion’” and that if you sewed it all together, “it could definitely make a nice warm blanket.”

 

“I love this game!” said Anderson Cooper shortly after leaving the press conference. “We ask questions; he fends them off. He gives us a clue; we try to work out what it means. I could talk about this on-air for weeks!”

 

Explained Romney spokesman Rick Gorka, “we think Americans admire Mitt Romney the most when he is cagey and dissembling, and dragging out this tax return story as long as possible helps us position him just the way we want to.”

 

Ann Romney reinforced the campaign’s stance. “We aren’t going to release the returns, because that would just give the Democrats ammunition to use against us,” she said. “For example, the fact that my husband has committed a number of felonies in recent years. They would probably try to attack us for that.”

 

The Obama campaign was once again left playing catch-up. “I tell you, we are trying to get Joe Biden’s speeches front and center in the press,” said frustrated campaign manager David Plouffe, “and Mitt just keeps grabbing the spotlight with all these dribbles of information.”

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