Ann Romney promises Mitt will work hard “so you won’t have to”; he’ll start by washing your car

29 Aug

TAMPA–Ann Romney electrified the Republican National Convention today when she promised that “no one will work harder” than Mitt Romney if he is elected president, so that “you can work a little less hard.”

“In particular,” she explained to the cheering crowd, “he’s going to come around to your place and scrape paint off the garage. And he can also get rid of those old antifreeze containers that you can’t put in the trash.”

The Romney pledge to make life a little easier for all Americans is a powerful addition to the Republican platform, independent experts agreed.

“To date, it’s all been abortion this, abortion that, immigrants, blah, blah, blah,” said Professor Irvin Stines of the University of Southern North Dakota. “But if Mitt Romney is really going to set the clock on your microwave so it doesn’t say 12:00 all day? That’s a game-changer.”

Ann Romney promised that for every family in America, Mitt Romney would either walk the dog twice a week OR run to the store for milk occasionally when you run out. “It’s just about letting Americans put their feet up a little bit,” she explained.

Democrats, already on the defensive after Chris Christie challenged every single member of their Congressional delegation to arm-wrestle, were caught flat-footed by the announcement. “Look, Obama may not be getting tough stains out of your good shirt like Mitt Romney is,” said David Plouffe. “But he will show up at birthday parties, and may even visit your mother once in a while, although that remains to be finalized.”

Republicans were jubilant that they had once again gained the upper hand in the campaign. “Let me tell you one thing,” said Ann Romney. “If Mitt can’t get the local body shop to drop off your car by the end of the week like they promised, he can just buy it and shut it down.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: