Dems release surprising convention agenda; Disgraced VP Candidate Night; “I hope we can get Clint Eastwood”

2 Sep

CHARLOTTE–after taking a few days to consider the lessons from the Republican convention last week in Tampa, the Democrats today released a final agenda for Charlotte next week.

The biggest debate concerned whether the convention would be able to lure Clint Eastwood to give a reprise of his highly regarded “empty chair” speech in Tampa. “We aren’t sure,” said David Plouffe, “but after watching what Clint did for Mitt’s post-convention bounce, we think he may actually be a Democrat.” As a backup, the convention plans to put Bruce Springsteen up on stage interviewing an empty suit.

In a gesture towards bipartisanship, and responding to the criticism of Obama’s misquoted “you didn’t build that” remark, the convention will kick off with a slide show depicting some of the many things Republican administrations have brought us over the last several decades, including the Alaskan Bridge to Nowhere, the Second Gulf War, McCarthyism, and the Taliban.

The second day will have a special session, “Disgraced Vice-Presidential Candidate Night,” in which Joe Lieberman will take to the stage to explain how leaving the Democratic Party after losing his Senate primary was an act of conscience and not at all opportunistic, and also his John McCain endorsement, and John Edwards will share his vision of an America in which John Edwards is not in prison.

After the RNC’s success with Mia Love, the black Republican congressional candidate from Utah, DNC organizers were struggling to find a suitable person to respond. But it hasn’t been easy so far, according to one person close to the deliberations. “I mean, where are we going to find a prominent African-American Democrat?”

Unfortunately, the White House announced today that due to mechanical problems with Air Force Two, Vice President Joe Biden was stuck in Juneau, Alaska, where he was opening a new highway interchange, and would not be able to speak at the convention. “I’m sure you’re just as upset about this as I am,” said President Obama in a prepared statement.

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