Democrats open convention with plans for socialist tyranny; invasion of Idaho to take away guns

4 Sep

CHARLOTTE–in an unconventional move, the Democrats opened their national convention Tuesday night with a surprisingly candid overview of their plans to implement a socialist dictatorship, outlaw Christianity, and assist the United Nations in its planned invasion of Idaho to take away people’s guns.

“As you know, we Democrats have long had a dream of destroying the freedoms Americans hold most precious,” said convention chair Antonio Villaraigosa. “If we win in November, we believe it will finally be the perfect time to close down thousands of small businesses through malicioius regulation, make Americans lazy through tax policy, and promote our pro-gay agenda by clever manipulation of children’s television shows.”

Pundits were surprised that the Democrats would finally come clean about their hidden agenda after decades in which the party not only claimed to be patriotic, but actually contributed heroically to the advancement of American society.

“We just did that to fake you out,” explained Hillary Clinton in an interview. “All the legislative and executive actions we have taken over the past century–the Federal Reserve, Social Security, World War II, civil rights, Medicare–that was just a diversion from our main goal of creating a Stalinist regime dedicated to abortion and gay marriage.”

When asked why the Democrats had decided to come clean now, Clinton explained that it was now too late to stop them on their path for the abolishment of freedom. “Unless Obama loses in November, nothing stands in our way,” she explained. “Unless of course a few dozen yahoos in Michigan somehow lay their hands on some pickup trucks, camoflauge fatigues, and assault rifles, and then spend a few weekends running around in the woods and shooting at things, in which case they will be able to hold off the US Army when it comes to round them up and put them into camps.”

In his speech on Thursday night, Barack Obama is expected to lay out the details of the long-secret plan. According to someone close to the campaign, “it’s going to follow the path the Tea Party has been warning us about. The first assault on American values will be food safety regulation, followed by the promotion of respect and tolerance. Then we move to forcible conversions to Islam, enslaving all the white people, and then, worst of all, providing affordable health care.”

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