Mitt Romney passes “Three AM phone call test” with flying colors

17 Sep

BOSTON—Republicans around the country breathed a deep sigh of relief this morning upon learning that Mitt Romney had successfully passed the so-called three AM phone call test, proving his readiness to become President.

“At exactly three o’clock last night, the phone rang in Governor Romney’s bedroom,” read a statement released by the campaign. “Governor Romney answered to hear an elderly gentleman insistently asking for ‘Hank.’ In a brief but focused conversation, Governor Romney was able to determine that the caller had mistakenly dialled the 617 area code for Boston instead of 716 for Buffalo, and to give the caller appropriate guidance. At all times, the governor was calm and in full control of the situation.”

In an interview later in the day, Romney denied that he had been a hero. “I just did what anybody would have done in the situation,” he said modestly. “If people think that means I’d be a better president than Barack Obama, then that’s their decision.”

Commentators on both sides of the aisle praised Romney’s cool head and quick thinking, and even leading Democrats agreed that Romney had erased doubts about his preparation for the role. “It’s not a day for partisan politics,” said Obama spokesman Ben LaBolt. “Let’s all just be glad that this man, we hope, managed to reach Hank.”

Romney campaign manager Matt Rhoades noted that Romney had handled the three AM test better even than many past presidents. “Dwight Eisenhower received a number of late-night wrong calls from a Spanish-speaking woman in his second term, and he became so frustrated that he ripped the phone cord from the wall,” said Rhoades “And Jimmy Carter repeatedly fell for it when someone called him and asked if his refrigerator was running.”

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