Romney vows to dedicate presidency to bringing back jobs he sent to China

10 Oct

ZANESVILLE—speaking at a rally to the Republican faithful, Mitt Romney today pledged that if elected, he would devote himself to “bringing back all those jobs that I outsourced to China” in his years at Bain Capital.

“American businesses want to hire American workers,” said Romney to the cheering crowd. “And they would, too, if the government didn’t stick its nose in and make them pay you seven dollars an hour and provide safety equipment.”

To show that he was serious, Romney’s campaign included “Create lots of good new jobs” on the latest version of his highly detailed 59-point plan for jobs and economic growth. Other additions to the plan include “Help everyone get super rich” and “Make America is totally awesome again.”

Romney’s announcement immediately put to rest the rumor that if elected, Romney would pay Xi Jinping twelve dollars an hour to do all the work of the US presidency. “No way,” said spokesman Kevin Madden. “And anyway, if we were going to do that, we’d send it to India. More English speakers and lower staff turnover. Not that we’re going to do it,” he added. “Shut up!” he said a moment later. “Totally not happening!”

In other news, a Georgia man who had been waiting in the emergency room for five hours removed a bullet from his own head with a pair of tweezers, “proving that Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan will totally work,” said Romney.

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3 Responses to “Romney vows to dedicate presidency to bringing back jobs he sent to China”

  1. h2dog October 13, 2012 at 10:12 am #

    Man, I like what you do.
    Good sarcasm…… nothing better.
    Mind if I reblog this on desertdogma?

    Like

  2. h2dog October 13, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

    Reblogged this on Desert Dogmeh.

    Like

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