Romney promises that Americans will be able to lose weight without diet or exercise

25 Oct

DAYTON, Ohio—Mitt Romney today pledged that, if he is elected, all Americans will be able to maintain a healthy body weight without exercising, while eating whatever they want.

“Under my health-care plan, you will be able to eat pizza and ice cream at every meal, sit on the couch all day, and get back to your college weight within six weeks,” Romney told a cheering crowd at a rally here. “It’s based on the same principles as my budget plan.”

Asked for specifics, Romney explained that “we will reduce caloric intake in other ways” to ensure that Americans lost the weight. When pressed for details, he said that he wanted to consult with Congress over the specific calorie reductions once in office.

The Obama campaign was clearly shaken by Romney’s bold new pledge. After some delay, a hastily-assembled press release announced that the administration would create a series of YouTube workout videos called “Sweatin’ With Joe,” featuring Vice-President Biden in his vintage leg warmers.

“If Romney wins,” said Stephanie Cutter, “we’re going to release these things. You’ve been warned.”

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