Republican Senate candidates grab Mitt Romney’s arm; ask for help in finding a job

28 Oct

COLUMBUS, Ohio–voters at a Republican rally here today were treated to a heartrending tale about a Republican Senate candidate who approached Mitt Romney after a rally, grabbed his arm, and asked for help finding a job.

“And this man, Todd, he comes up to me, and he says please–please, Mitt, he said–I live just over in Missouri, and I’m about to be out of work, and I really would like your help getting a job,” said Romney to the crowd.

According to pundits, the anecdote marked the ten-thousandth time someone has approached Romney after a rally and grabbed his arm. According to campaign sources, Romney gets deep-tissue massage every evening to keep his heavily-handled limbs in working condition.

Romney has been alternating the “Todd” story with another about a man named “Richard” from Indiana who is facing the same situation.

“My heart goes out to these folks,” said Romney. “They both told me that they thought they would get jobs in November, but now they won’t, and all because of the Obama recession, plus the fact that they keep saying really weird things about rape.”

President Obama, according to Anderson Cooper, has only been grabbed by the arm four times during the campaign. “And all of those were during the second debate,” explained Cooper.

In other news, Romney told a group of evangelicals that “God wants me to win this thing,” shortly before two campaign stops in Virginia were cancelled because of a hurricane.

One Response to “Republican Senate candidates grab Mitt Romney’s arm; ask for help in finding a job”

  1. PiedType October 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    Aha! I knew this hurricane was some kind of conspiracy.


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