BBC accused of poor governance, sexual assault, constructing “dirty bomb”

13 Nov

LONDON–the scandal surrounding the British Broadcasting Corporation deepened today as British authorities revealed that, in violation of media regulations, BBC staff had been constructing a “dirty bomb” in the broadcaster’s headquarters.

“Covering up sexual assault was bad enough,” said Dame Edna Wilberforce, from the Media Oversight Panel. “Then the false accusations against a distinguished MP. But I do not exaggerate when I say that attempted nuclear terrorism is absolutely unacceptable behaviour from the taxpayer-funded BBC.”

According to sources close to the investigation, the BBC’s attempt to buy low-grade plutonium from Chechen terrorists collapsed when the sellers learned that the plutonium would be in the hands of the organization that produced “The Voice.” “We aren’t monsters,” said the Chechens.

The BBC scandal has widened over the past few months, inflamed by a recent Parliamentary Commission report which found that “just because people have English accents doesn’t actually mean they are smart.”

To clean up the mess, Prime Minister Cameron has put together a blue-ribbon commission to investigate the sexual-harrassment claims, to be jointly chaired by Dave Petraeus and Elmo. ”

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