Bashar Assad will load saved game; “do it a little differently this time”

13 Dec

DAMASCUS—Bashar Assad, the embattled Syrian dictator, has acknowledged that “this has not really played out the way I’d hoped,” and plans to load a saved game from May 2011, sources close to the presidential palace said today.

The growing international support for the increasingly unified opposition, and a seeming weakening of Russian commitments to the regime, all spell trouble for Assad, who vowed that “he’s going to try a new strategy” after restoring from the last checkpoint.

“He’s philosophical about it,” said a senior military leader who asked not to be named. “He realizes that he had the wrong approach to the conflict, and even though he doesn’t really want to go back and play through the civil war all over again, it’s time to cut his losses and try again.”

According to this source, “Bashar is going to try it one more time, this time being more aggressive,” and if that doesn’t work, he’s going to try to find a downloadable patch online that will lower the difficulty level of battles. “The international community said he was playing a dangerous game, and he was,” said one source. “Luckily, he saves frequently.”

Assad will not be the first prominent person to undo a series of bungled moves. “It’s not hard,” said one senior strategist of the regime. “It’s just like an Etch-a-Sketch.”

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One Response to “Bashar Assad will load saved game; “do it a little differently this time””

  1. PiedType December 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    I think this is hilarious … but then, I’m a gamer.

    Like

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