America’s leaders plan rockin’ New Year’s Eve party; fiscal cliff will have to wait

28 Dec

WASHINGTON–after lengthy negotiations, the White House and the Republican congressional leadership came together today to announce a bipartisan agreement to throw a “totally awesome” New Year’s Eve party.

“I am pleased to announce that we have been able to rise above everyday political divisions to come together on this important issue,” said President Obama, appearing at a joint press conference with John Boehner. “We have today the outlines of a plan that will cover the location, start time, and refreshments for what promises to be the best bipartisan New Year’s Eve in our country’s history.” In response to a question from the press, Obama added, “we haven’t really dealt with that fiscal cliff thing. Maybe in January or something.”

Added Speaker Boehner, “today we address you not as representatives of the Republican Party or the Democratic Party, but of a totally awesome party that everyone is invited to.” Boehner added that his parents were out of town for the weekend and “we can have it at my place. Totally stoked.” Later in the press conference, the Speaker noted that he hadn’t really given any thought to the December 31 deadline to avoid going off the fiscal cliff. “Thanks for ruining the mood,” he snapped at one reporter who asked whether a great party was really a higher priority than avoiding economically crippling tax increases and spending cuts.

Some important details remain to be worked out, such as theme and whether beer will be served in kegs or in cans, but both sides said they were confident an agreement could be reached.

As for the fiscal cliff, the president vowed to put all his energies into it “after we’ve cleaned up from the party, and I’ve finished my vacation, and I’m probably going to need a haircut pretty soon, too.”

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