Argo wins Best-Picture Oscar, proving Iranian hostage crisis actually a good-news story

25 Feb

HOLLYWOOD, Ca.–Argo, the story of how six Americans escaped from Iran during the 1979 hostage crisis, won the Oscar for Best Picture last night, proving that the United States sure got the better of that one.

“This just goes to show that America always comes out on top,” said director Ben Affleck. When asked about the other sixty-nine hostages, who were held captive for 444 days, Affleck said, “Who?”

Other historical events that turn out not really to be so bad, when looked at in the right light, and ideally scored by John Williams, include the Holocaust (actually a heartwarming tale of personal redemption) and life in a Mumbai slum (which is escaped relatively easily).

Envious filmmakers are hoping for more hostage-taking incidents going forward. “The Algerian gas field was promising,” said Harvey Weinstein, “but more Americans next time, okay?”

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