Leading Republicans head to Rome to seek papal nomination; Romney, Trump among front-runners

7 Mar

ROME–as the cardinals who run the Catholic Church began assembling in Rome to select a new leader, many of the recent Republican presidential candidates from last year’s election declared their intention of becoming Pope.

The sentimental favorite so far is former Rep. Ron Paul, who, as a 77-year-old white male “is exactly the demographic we’re looking for,” said one cardinal, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Plus, he believes that no one in power should do anything, which will provide a lot of continuity with the previous Pope.”

Donald Trump, who at least is sort of Catholic, or was, has also expressed interest in the papacy. “What the Church needs is an experienced leader who can make practical real-world decisions,” said Trump. “Since obviously they aren’t going to find one, I’d like to offer myself as an alternative.

The best-organized campaign to date is that of Mitt Romney, who held a news conference in St. Peter’s Square to announce that “I am a devout Catholic, and always have been, just like I’ve always been a committed conservative.” However, his campaign recently hit a speed bump when he criticized “people who think that the Church owes them a living,” and then realized he was talking about priests.

Independent experts agreed that there was a good chance of one of the Republican candidates becoming Pope. “They’ve spent their lives trying to appeal to a shrinking group of old white men, which will be a big plus with the cardinals” said longtime Vatican observer Massimo Del Conti. “Plus, I understand that the conclave is being run by the Florida Board of Elections.”

Sent from my iPad

2 Responses to “Leading Republicans head to Rome to seek papal nomination; Romney, Trump among front-runners”

  1. dreamshadow59 March 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm #

    This was GREAT,,,I think I might just as well enter MY name into the mix then too…:)


  2. PiedType March 7, 2013 at 10:27 pm #

    LOL. Love the way you think.


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