In “freakish coincidence,” malfunctioning drone attacks Rand Paul

9 Mar

WASHINGTON–in what puzzled scientists are calling a bizarre coincidence, Sen. Rand Paul (R–KY) nearly escaped death today when a malfunctioning Predator drone accidentally released its weapons while directly over him, incinerating his car.

“The odds of this have to be less than a billion to one,” said a CIA spokesman at a hastily called press conference. “The odds of an accidental weapons release striking someone–they’re just astronomical.”

“The Hellfire missile is heat-seeking, and satellite imagery showed an enormous column of hot air emanating from Senator Paul just before the accident,” said defense expert Col. Robert Wilson. “He survived only because the tinfoil hat he was wearing confused the Predator’s radar.”

The White House released a message of condolence and concern approximately fifteen minutes before the accident occurred. “I have no idea how that happened,” said President Obama.

Senator Paul was taken to Walter Reed hospital by first responders, who found him ranting incoherently by the side of the road. He was released after medical staff found that this was a pre-existing condition.

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2 Responses to “In “freakish coincidence,” malfunctioning drone attacks Rand Paul”

  1. List of X March 9, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

    He also spent 13 hours objecting to the hospital bill…

    Like

  2. Robert Nielsen March 9, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

    I laughed far more than I should have at this one. Drone strikes are no laughing matter, but this is brilliant

    Like

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