Pope Francis is nice again, delivering on entire mandate

16 Mar

ROME–in a historic turn of events, Pope Francis 1 single-handedly reversed the downwards spiral of the Roman Catholic Church by being super-nice and awfully humble yet again.

“First, he asked for a latte, and when I explained we were out of milk, he ran across the street to a grocery store and bought some,” said Laetita Fabrizzi, proprietor of a small coffee shop where Francis made an unscheduled stop earlier today. “Then he patted a little puppy and gave it a snack.”

According to Vatican insiders, Francis’s humility was a major reason for his election as pope earlier this week. “Sure, we may be facing an overlapping series of crises that threaten to bring the church to its knees,” said Cardinal Scola, himself considered a leading candidate for the papacy. “But the man is just so darn nice, we figured, what the heck.”

Sources report that Francis, having been humble and extremely kind for several days, has delivered on his entire platform, and may consider resigning in the coming weeks. “Let’s face it, every conclave and new pope gives the church a big shot in the arm,” said one anonymous source. “We should do this every year.”

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One Response to “Pope Francis is nice again, delivering on entire mandate”

  1. Austin March 16, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

    Maybe a Pope should have term limits. Get some new blood in there every few years. It wold be fun! 🙂

    Like

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