Building on recent successes on budget and gun control, Congress to take up immigration reform

23 Apr

WASHINGTON—following its recent landmark bipartisan bill addressing the long-term budget as well as a historic compromise on gun control, the United States Congress this morning began hearings on a blockbuster immigration reform that is expected completely to solve all the disputes and confusion around immigration in this country.

“The Senate has the hot hand right now,” said Sen. Marco Rubio (R—Florida) after the hearing. “We’ve shown that we can cut through the rhetoric and politics-as-usual to deliver the bipartisan results the American people expect. So this is the perfect time to to tackle immigration.”

President Obama was similarly optimistic. “My hands-on leadership and engagement with Congress, combined with the flexibility and pragmatism of the Republican leadership, has already cracked two of the toughest problems facing the country,” he said. “I’m sure the same reasoned, practical approach will be able to address two decades of incoherent immigration policy.”

Senate Republicans were said to be eager to hammer out a compromise. “Although I don’t see eye-to-eye with the Democrats on immigration, I’m sure we can find a common-sense solution that gives everyone a little bit of what they want,” said Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R—Kentucky). “After all, give-and-take is the hallmark of democracy.”

Once immigration is in the rear-view mirror, the Senate plans to tackle peace in the Middle East, abortion rights, state-federal relations, and the proper size and role of government. “Hey, the American people expect us to solve tough problems,” said Obama. “Only a bunch of incompetents wouldn’t be able to make progress on the big issues.”

One Response to “Building on recent successes on budget and gun control, Congress to take up immigration reform”

  1. PiedType April 23, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

    Don’t know whether to laugh or cry …


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