Emails show White House “double-dog-dared” Benghazi militants to storm consulate

11 May

WASHINGTON–pressure mounted on President Obama today as leaked emails show that not only did he replace the consultate’s armed guards with signs saying “Parking for Packers fans only–all others will be sacked,” but at one point he live-broadcast a message to the mob gathering outside, “double-dog-daring” them to storm the building.

“Look, in retrospect, we might do that differently,” said White House spokesman Jay Carney. “Especially the part where the President told them to ‘cowboy up,’ which apparently translates pretty poorly.” Added Carney, “you have to understand that we thought the Packers sign was foolproof–we still don’t know how they got past that one.”

While some called Obama’s actions leading up to the attack on the Benghazi consulate irresponsible, Carney vigorously defended the president. “He made it very clear that, if anything were to happen in Benghazi, he was prepared to exercise his usual decisive leadership.” Pressed for details, Carney explained that militants were warned that Obama “would make an angry televised speech in which he would complain that no one was listening to him.”

Some good news emerged late in the afternoon, when some Republicans started saying that the Benghazi hearings were distracting Congress from important government business. “We haven’t held a meaningless vote to repeal Obamacare in almost three days,” said Eric Cantor.

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