John McCain visits Syrian rebels; next stop will be morale-boosting stop with Al-Qaeda of Pakistan

28 May

GAZIANTEP, Turkey–Sen. John McCain (R–Arizona) today visited a group of rebels battling against the despotic Assad regime in Syria as part of his ongoing efforts to build alliances with Islamic militants around the world. After a photo op and a meeting with rebel leaders, McCain and the Syrian Free Army jointly issued a communique in which they called for the “destruction of the repulsive Assad regime” and the “establishment of an Islamic caliphate extending over all the Arab lands.”

Although no one disputes the inhumanity of the Assad regime, when asked if supporting a rebel alliance that included anti-Western Islamic militants was really in the best interests of the United States, McCain shrugged. “It’s not like intervening on behalf of Islamists in a messy civil war has ever had bad consequences for us, has it?” asked McCain rhetorically. “Besides, these guys assure me they have scrupulously obeyed international norms in the conflict to date.”

McCain raised further eyebrows with the second part of his “Rough Guys with Guns” tour when he visited the tribal areas of Pakistan and posed for photos with grinning leaders of the local Al-Qaeda affiliate. “Look, we all know that the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” said McCain. “And these guys helped defeat the Soviet-backed Afghan communists, so, you know, what’s not to like?”

A third stop was planned in Yemen, where McCain was to visit with local anti-anti-American guerrillas and also recommend “wiping our home free of the Zionist abomination” and “cleansing the Satanic American presence with fire.”

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