Obama cites “secret evidence” as proof that surveillance program is a good idea

10 Jun

WASHINGTON—as controversy surrounding the secret Prism surveillance program mounted, President Obama mounted a forceful defense of the program, noting that “although I can’t explain why, you just have to trust me on this one.”

“I can’t share everything we know, but let me tell you, I am just absolutely correct,” said the President at a press conference. “Also, you should know that my political opponents are just totally wrong. I have proof, but I can’t give it to you.”

The press conference was made more efficient by the fact that the President somehow knew all the questions journalists were planning to ask, and was able to distribute pre-printed flyers with answers as each question was asked.

Obama said that he welcomed the ongoing discussions. “I think it’s incredibly important that, as a democracy, we debate these issues fully,” said President Obama. “That’s why I’ve kept this program secret for six years.”

At times, the President seemed a bit surprised by all the controversy. “I mean, we have other secret programs that are way worse than this one,” he explained. “If they’d leaked in the other order, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

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