Moderate wins Iranian presidency, presaging no change whatsoever

15 Jun

TEHRAN–in a repudiation of the old-guard theocracy, Iranians turned out in the millions to elect Hassan Rowhani as President, who promised to “take your hopes and dreams and fail to do anything constructive with them,” due to the essentially powerless nature of the Iranian presidency.

“This is a huge turning point for Iranian society,” said Hassem al-Ghabbar, an expert on Iran. “Rowhani now has only four years to disappoint the electorate with his inability to effect any kind of change.”

In Tehran, Rowhani’s supporters packed the streets, demanding change that will certainly be vetoed by a small clique of reactionary old men. Cries for sweeping changes to the political system were interspersed with more radical calls such as abolishing the theocratic regime, or even allowing people to watch television freely or dress as they like.

Rowhani himself was not shy about underlining the differences between himself and his predecessor, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. “At the end of my term, when I’ve been hopelessly undermined by the clerics and am completely powerless, I assure you–it will be for different reasons!” he shouted, as his supporters went wild.

In Washington, the White House’s reaction was muted. “I think we’ve learned our lesson about making any kind of meaningful policy statement about the Middle East,” said a spokesman.

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