Responding to electorate’s demand for symbolic action on divisive social issues, House GOP takes up abortion

18 Jun

WASHINGTON–responding to the nationwide insistence that Congress spend its time voting on controversial culture-war bills that have no chance of becoming law, the Republican leadership in the House today started debate on a bill to restrict abortion rights.

“We’d like to get some work done on the economy,” said Majority Whip Eric Cantor (R–Virginia). “But I can’t tell you how many constituents I’ve had coming into my office, pleading with me to make some kind of empty gesture on abortion rights. That’s really got to be our top priority now, alongside our goal of holding a 38th vote to repeal Obamacare.”

According to Cantor, after the vote to restrict abortion rights goes nowhere, Republicans plan to take up a series of increasingly divisive proposals that also have no chance of passing. “Next up is our plan to roll back gay rights, followed by disempowerment of women, followed by the gutting of civil-rights enforcement,” said Cantor. “And after we’ve had all of those shot down, we might look into re-segregating the military.”

Once again, the Democrats were left flat-footed by the nimble GOP tactics. “If there’s one thing we were unprepared for,” said President Obama, “it was a Congress that seems to be more interested in its own re-election than actually passing laws.”

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