Russia takes in Edward Snowden, showing longstanding commitment to free speech

23 Jun

MOSCOW–The government of Vladimir Putin, once again showing its longstanding commitment to supporting the underdog and defending free speech, confirmed today that it had offered asylum to Edward Snowden, the leaker of NSA secrets.

“When people think of Russia, they think of liberty, of the freedom to speak your mind, and of the defense of individual rights against the state,” said Putin at a press conference. “I don’t know what exactly this Mr. Snowden has done, but if it’s a free-speech issue, he’s welcome here with us.”

The United States announced that it had nullified Snowden’s passport as of this morning. “We figure that should make everyone forget about any so-called surveillance,” explained a State Department spokesman.

The FSB, Russia’s intelligence agency, confirmed that Snowden had applied for a job with them. “This guy’s resume looks great–he really knows a lot about surveillance,” said a spokesman. In response to a question, he added, “I think we’ve all had our phones off for a few days and haven’t seen the papers much. Why?”

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