Seconds after Morsi’s overthrow, Mitt Romney announces candidacy for Egyptian presidency

3 Jul

CAIRO—appearing in Tahrir Square immediately after the announcement that Mohamed Morsi had been ousted by the military, Mitt Romney announced that “after a long period of soul-searching, I reluctantly concluded that my service to Egypt was not yet over,” and declared his candidacy for the presidency.

In response to a question, Romney noted that despite Egypt’s predominantly Muslim and, well, Egyptian population, “I think the country is ready for an American Mormon as president.” He then spoke forcefully of his longstanding admiration for Egypt. “Without your world-class medical schools, I don’t know who would drive our taxis,” he said to an admiring crowd.

General Abdel-Fattah el-Sissi, the commander of the Egyptian military who announced Morsi’s departure, seemed nonplussed by Romney’s announcement, coming only a few seconds after the news of Morsi’s departure spread through the crowd. “How did he even get here?” asked el-Sissi.

Not to be outdone, Rick Perry released a statement that he would make a “special announcement” from Tahrir Square on Monday. “I’m not going to give anything away, but let’s just say I’ve finally found somewhere with even worse health-care outcomes than Texas,” said Perry.

Reacting forcefully to the Middle Eastern crisis, the House Republican leadership announced another symbolic vote to repeal Obamacare. “If this ‘Egypt’ place actually exists, then why isn’t it mentioned in the Bible?” asked Rep. Eric Cantor (R—Virginia).

2 Responses to “Seconds after Morsi’s overthrow, Mitt Romney announces candidacy for Egyptian presidency”

  1. Jon Awbrey July 3, 2013 at 4:12 pm #

    He’ll have to fight McCain for it …


  2. PiedType July 3, 2013 at 5:16 pm #



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