George Zimmerman rescues family from car crash; does not shoot them

26 Jul

SANFORD, Florida–less than two weeks after being acquitted in the death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman rescued a family of four after their SUV flipped over during an accident. Although Zimmerman later noted that they looked “shifty,” especially the “weird-looking kid in the back,” he did not shoot any of them, police confirmed.

“I’m pleased to say that my client did not kill anyone this week,” said Zimmerman’s lawyer, Mark O’Mara. “Even now that he’s got his favorite gun back, he’s gone two weeks without shooting everyone, not even those teenagers who hang out in front of the 7-11 for no reason at all.”

According to David Miller, who was driving the SUV, “the first thing I noticed when I came to was this guy waving a gun in my face, asking if I was okay. He offered to shoot anyone who was badly hurt, but we were fine, so instead he helped us out of the car and gave us a ride into town.”

Zimmerman explained that “it was touch and go at times, and they had some kind of candy in the back seat that might have been some new weapon invented by China or black people or something, but I decided to take a chance, and I’m glad it all worked out.”

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