Edward Snowden asks Russia for asylum in “some country better than Russia”

3 Aug

MOSCOW – two days after being granted temporary asylum here, NSA leaker Edward Snowden submitted a revised asylum petition to the Russian authorities, asking for permission to settle permanently in “some country that is way better than Russia.”

“I mean, I don’t want to sound ungrateful,” read the petition. “But I was kind of hoping for somewhere warm, with a happening club scene.” Later, the petition adds, “No offense.”

The Russian Foreign Ministry seemed confused by the filing. “This is what happens when you let Gen Y leakers into the country,” said a spokesman. “He keeps complaining about the Wifi.”

The United States is continuing its campaign to have Snowden returned to this country to stand trial. Its assurances that Snowden would not be tortured were undercut, however, when the Federal Department of Prisons was found to have ordered several DVDs of “Gigli,” starring Jennifer Lopez.

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