Obama launches drone strikes in response to terror threats in response to drone strikes

13 Aug

SANA, Yemen—responding boldly to an increased threat from al-Qaeda, the Obama administration has stepped up its campaign of drone strikes here, according to local sources, and has been very successful in doing so, eliminating approximately two hundred and twenty al-Qaeda members so far this year.

In an unrelated development, approximately two hundred and twenty Yemenis have joined al-Qaeda so far this year, citing drone strikes as their primary reason for turning to terrorism.

The administration and the CIA have discretely boasted of their successes to key policymakers, citing figures showing that they have already killed more than eighty adult terrorists, thirty baby terrorists, and ninety animal terrorists.

“Just this morning, we killed a woman who was engaged in terrorist laundry,” said a CIA spokesman at a classified briefing to the Senate Intelligence Committee. “Yesterday, we destroyed a goat in the process of producing terrorist milk.”

“We will leave no stone unturned in our battle to kill people who want to kill us because we want to kill them,” said the spokesman.

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