Manning sentenced to 35 years for revealing that Hugo Chavez was a blowhard

22 Aug

WASHINGTON–Bradley Manning, who gave more than 700,000 classified diplomatic cables to Wikileaks, was today sentenced to 35 years in prison for revealing America’s deepest secrets. Among them were the following shockers:

– Hugo Chavez was kind of a “blowhard” and really not very interesting
– Peace between Israel and Palestine is not going to be easy
– Vladimir Putin is a big jerk
– No one wants to work in the American embassy in Equatorial Guinea

“This affair has done grave damage to America’s national security,” said President Obama, apparently referring to the revelation that Canadian trade delegations hosted “dull” receptions at international conferences.

Private Manning was also reduced to the lowest rank in the Army, E1, which experts say could hurt his future career prospects in the military, were he not about to spend most of the rest of his working years in prison and be a pariah.

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