Americans demand that Congress shut down government for no clear reason

25 Aug

WASHINGTON–as the deadline looms for a revised budget agreement, leading Republicans in Congress were eagerly anticipating the “huge political benefits” they expect to reap after shutting down the government for ideological reasons.

“If the American people want one thing from us, it’s to shut down the national parks, slow down air-traffic control, and furlough FBI agents,” said Rep. Eric Cantor (R–VA). “If we’ve learned one thing from the last several elections, it’s that self-destructive stubbornness appeals to those all-important swing voters.”

Cantor emphasized that he was still hoping for an amicable solution, and released his latest compromise proposal, under which President Obama and the Senate Democrats would do everything Eric Cantor wanted.

The proposal was under “serious consideration” at the White House, a spokesman said.

In related news, the Republican Party today released its own health-care proposal, under which upper-income Americans could buy insurance privately, while lower-income Americans could get sick and die.

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