Syrian opposition cheered by news that their fate depends on U.S. Congressional action

1 Sep

ALEPPO–morale among the fragmented opposition here today was buoyed by the news that President Obama is going to ask Congress to vote on possible military intervention in the Syrian civil war.

“If all that stands between us and American support is getting Eric Cantor and Nancy Pelosi to work together, then our victory is assured!” exclaimed Ahmed Al-Jabbour, leader of a small militia based in the suburbs of Aleppo. “Surely they wouldn’t let petty partisan differences get in the way of working together for the common good.”

Supporters of the Assad regime were despondent. “We now face one of the nimblest, shrewdest governments history has ever known,” said General Ibrahim al-Nassour, deputy commander of the Syrian Air Force. “I just don’t see how we can possibly outsmart John Boehner.”

In Washington, in the meantime, the Senate was temporarily shut down while the Republican caucus investigated rumors that Mitch McConnell had once shaken President Obama’s hand “without irony.” In the House, in the meantime, GOP leaders promised swift action on Syria as soon as the ACA is repealed and taxes are cut to a flat $9.95 per capita.

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