House GOP burns down local restaurant after favorite soup dropped from menu

8 Oct

WASHINGTON—saying that “the time for compromise is over,” leading Tea Party Republicans today burned down Eileen’s, a well-known Capitol Hill diner, after the proprietors dropped navy bean soup from the menu.

“It’s time Bert Flanagan listened to the people,” said Rep. Eric Cantor (R—VA), holding an empty gasoline can. “And the thirty people you see standing here with me, we like navy bean soup.”

Before the arson attack, Flanagan tried to reason with the angry representatives, explaining that his supplier of navy beans had gone out of business, and offering instead to cook them black bean soup, or “whatever kind of soup you want.”

Flanagan’s offer was too little, too late. “Some people in Washington think they can do whatever they want, just because they own something, or were elected by a majority of voters, or that sort of thing,” said Rep. Justin Amash (R—MI). “I’m here to tell you that conservative primary voters in safe Republican seats don’t agree.”

The burning of Eileen’s was the second Tea Party arson attack this week. On Saturday, Rep. Marlin Stutzman (R—IN) set fire to a local barbershop after they “used this weird-smelling aftershave” without consulting him first.

2 Responses to “House GOP burns down local restaurant after favorite soup dropped from menu”

  1. tomas October 8, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

    Feels like we should call a “time out” for the “children” in DC.
    Yes, Mr President, negotiating is a fundamental part of a Republican democracy whether you like it or not… Those of us in the private sector have to do it every single day, and many times with a figurative “gun to our head” but we can’t cry and run away and try to change the rules of the game…
    No Tea Partiers, you can’t change a law that was voted and upheld by the Supreme Court, however bad it is. Go through the proper process of changing it. Oh, and by the way, how about suggesting something to fix the HC mess given going back doesn’t seem like a good option…


  2. Richard Daybell October 10, 2013 at 11:34 am #

    The Tea Party is watching you.


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