Toronto legalizes medical crack

7 Nov

TORONTO–Mayor Rob Ford proudly announced today that this city will become the first in the world to legalize smoking crack for medicinal purposes.

“No longer will this healing substance be forced underground by ignorance and fear,” said Ford, speaking extremely rapidly from a prepared text. “It’s time we gave the people of Toronto an opportunity to control choices around their own health.”

According to the mayor’s office, crack can be used to treat a wide variety of ailments, including boredom, ennui, despair, and concerns over one’s own political future.

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2 Responses to “Toronto legalizes medical crack”

  1. Anonymous November 7, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

    The Google servers are maxed out while people search for the definition of “ennui”. He will definitely get re-elected, look at Marion Barry… they love that guy!

    Like

  2. Anonymous November 7, 2013 at 5:37 pm #

    The Google servers are maxed out while 1,442 people search for the definition of “ennui”. He will definitely get re-elected, look at Marion Barry… they love that guy!

    Like

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