Citing blizzard, Congress agrees to take vacation until January 2015

3 Jan

WASHINGTON–as a fierce winter storm tied up much of the Midwest and East Coast, Congress agreed that “as a precaution” it would shut down for the next twelve months, just in case there is more snow than forecast.

“It sure breaks me up to do this, just as we were on the cusp of passing a lot of great bipartisan legislation” said Speaker John Boehner (R–OH). “But you know what they say, better safe than sorry.”

Other members of both the House and Senate agreed that it was “just too risky” to open Congress at any point in 2014. “We’d love to do some real work on behalf of the American people, but we just don’t know how bad this storm is going to be,” said Sen. Harry Reid (D–NV).

Sen. Ted Cruz (R–TX) supported the resolution to keep Congress out for the next twelve months. He noted that he planned to be holed up in his survival bunker, working through his forty-year supply of canned goods. “The good news is that it’s too deep underground for the Commie mind rays to get me,” said Cruz. “Or the zombies.”

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