Universal disappointment as “America’s Sweetheart” Liz Cheney drops out of Wyoming Senate primary

7 Jan

CHEYENNE—the much-beloved Liz Cheney announced today that she was removing her name from the upcoming primary election for the Wyoming Senate, prompting widespread sadness across the state, and indeed the country.

“Everyone loves the Cheney family, and Liz is perhaps the warmest heart of them all,” said homemaker Edna Switmouth, sobbing in front of a Starbucks two blocks from the State Capitol. “The Senate seat was hers for the asking. I’m just so sad.”

“Liz Cheney taught me the true meaning of Christmas,” said seven-year-old Nick Appleby, riding his bike to gun practice. “And she saved my parents’ marriage. I’m sorry to see her go.”

Despite the popular groundswell of support that greeted the news of her primary challenge to Senator Michael Enzi, Cheney announced to a disappointed public that she would not be competing after all, due to a “family health issue.”

According to her campaign, the issue was that her sister Mary continued to be in good health.

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One Response to “Universal disappointment as “America’s Sweetheart” Liz Cheney drops out of Wyoming Senate primary”

  1. Invisible Mikey January 7, 2014 at 5:12 pm #

    This one’s really funny!

    Like

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