GOP reports “strong agreement” on everything except immigration, tax reform, health care, debt ceiling, and foreign policy

1 Feb

WASHINGTON–returning from their annual three-day retreat, the Republican congressional caucus reported that it had emerged “united on all the major issues of the day” except for immigration reform, tax-code changes, an alternative health-care proposal, the debt ceiling,  foreign policy, a farm bill, unemployment benefits, Congressional reform, and privacy.

Eric Cantor (R–VA) reported, however, that the party was “completely in agreement” that America “kicks major butt,” and had also rallied around a proposal to establish a National Apple Pie Day.

“We’re excited to be running on this vibrant, optimistic agenda for the midterms,” said Cantor. After an aide whispered in his ear, he clarified that “in fact, our emotions range from excited to merely content.”

On the Senate side, Mitch McConnell (R–KY), stating that only wimps change their minds, said that his top priority remained ensuring that Obama be a one-term president.

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One Response to “GOP reports “strong agreement” on everything except immigration, tax reform, health care, debt ceiling, and foreign policy”

  1. randomsuperawesomeblog February 1, 2014 at 11:23 pm #

    Reblogged this on randomsuperawesomeblog and commented:
    so funny

    Like

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