Sochi Olympics opening ceremony enchants guests with barbed wire, cavity searches

8 Feb

SOCHI–tying together the country’s past, present, and future, the 2014 Winter Olympics officially opened here today with a moving ceremony that allowed guests to experience “the real Russia” in the form of bomb-sniffing dogs, intrusive body searches, and the extensive use of barbed wire.

“Oh, my Gosh,” bubbled Cindy Morgenthall of Teaneck, NJ, as an angry woman named Olga yelled at her to be quiet. “I just feel like I’m really in Russia, you know?”

The opening ceremony had promised to be “interactive,” and it was, with every guest receiving a complementary patdown and a once-over from an angry German shepherd. Said Dieter Hammstrom, visiting from Munich, “I love dogs! Although the biting was perhaps a bit much.”

After an exciting six-hour delay while spectators cleared security, President Vladimir Putin officially opened the Games by lighting the ceremonial pile of money on fire.

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