Hobbits climb Mt. Gox; throw 750,000 bitcoins into Cracks of Doom

26 Feb

MORDOR, Tx—the titanic struggle between light and dark took a dramatic turn today as Frodo Baggins successfully climbed Mt. Gox and threw 6% of the world’s bitcoin supply into the Cracks of Doom. The mountain immediately went offline and received an FBI subpoena.

“It’s a surprising outcome for all of us,” said Cameron, or perhaps Tyler, Winklevoss, who had been marching towards Mordor at the head of his Army of Douches. “Nevertheless, I still think bitcoin is a brilliant investment for everyone. And you should listen to me, because of my long track record of shrewd business decisions.”

It was unclear to experts how exactly 750,000 bitcoins, which are supposed to be indestructible and are purely digital, had simply vanished on Mt. Gox. Concerns immediately spread among vendors of comic books, weird sci-fi costumes, and fake lightsabers.

“Everything is absolutely fine,” said Mark Karpeles, smiling calmly as he stood in front of the Mt. Gox building, which was on fire and being attacked by some kind of demon lizard. “I’m sure everybody’s money is perfectly safe.”

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