Tense recount in North Korean election as Kim Jong Un clings to 99.98% lead

12 Mar


PYONGYANG—North Korea’s parliamentary election continued to be too close to call, with Kim Jong Un clinging to a 99.98% margin in his electoral district of Mount Paektu.

According to election authorities, a court-ordered recount of all votes was under way, with the outcome hanging on “a few hundred” ballots that were either illegible or had been boiled with nettles and tree bark to make soup.

“It is still too early to make a definitive call in this election,” said Mount Paektu county commissioner Kang Byung-suk, who assumed the post after the previous three incumbents mysteriously disappeared over the previous 24 hours. He noted that the commission was seeking advice from the state of Florida on how to conduct a smooth and efficient recount.

When news of the inconclusive result was announced, the Korean Workers’ Party immediately mobilized a crack team of highly trained lawyers, forensic accountants, and public-relations experts. It then put them all in a stadium and had them hold up cards depicting missile launches and army gymnasts.

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