Malaysian government can’t remember where it wrote down coordinates of missing jet

21 Mar

KUALA LUMPUR–the search area for the missing Malaysia Airlines jet narrowed considerably when the government admitted today that it had a Post-It Note with the exact crash coordinates written on it.

“Apparently we received a satellite transmission with the precise location where the plane hit the water,” said a spokesman for the Malaysian Ministry of Aviation Safety and Volleyball. “But I wrote it down on a Post-It and just forgot I had it. Sorry about that!”

A multinational task force immediately swung into action off Australia’s western coast. “As usual, the initial focus will be on taking photographs of people staring out of helicopter windows at the water,” said Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott. “Later, we will redeploy those people to the actual search area.”

As the search headed into its third week at the same time as the Crimean crisis continues, the American news media found itself desperately hoping that a celebrity would commit a major crime. “I mean, come on,” said Matt Lauer. “What’s next, some multilateral trade agreement? We need some A-list mug shots, and we need them now.”

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