Oscar Pistorius testifies that he thought 130-pound blond rodent was in his bathroom

8 Apr

JOHANNESBURG—Oscar Pistorius testified in his murder trial yesterday that he accidentally shot and killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp thinking she was an “enormous but extremely attractive rat” that had somehow locked itself in his bathroom.

“I figured, a critter that size, you don’t want it chewing up the plumbing,” said Pistorius. He also expressed his concern that the rat might create bullet-sized holes in his expensive bathroom door.

Skeptics noted that Pistorius has changed his story a few times, initially claiming that he thought a “super-hot robber” had broken into his house.

Before that, he told investigators that he and Steenkamp had been working on “a really cool magic trick” that hadn’t panned out as hoped.

The trial has recently been caught up in procedural maneuvering, as the defense team has sought to throw out most of the prosecution’s evidence on the grounds “it would make our client look guilty.”

2 Responses to “Oscar Pistorius testifies that he thought 130-pound blond rodent was in his bathroom”

  1. alienredqueen April 8, 2014 at 5:14 pm #

    Don’t forget how he took his prosthetics off in court to show what state he was in that night and how vulnerable he’d be to giant rodent attack.


    • twissblog April 16, 2014 at 8:43 pm #

      Apparently once a rodent acquires the taste for douchebag flesh, it can never be satisfied with anything else.


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