Obama sends top troubleshooter Kathleen Sebelius to fix up VA

30 May

WASHINGTON–as pressure mounted on the troubled Veterans Administration health-care system, President Obama today announced that he was sending his “number one gun,” former HHS secretary Kathleen Sebelius, to sort out the issues.

“Our veterans deserve the same great health care as the rest of Americans get,” said Obama at a press conference to introduce Sebelius. “And who better to provide it as the woman who led the flawless implementation of healthcare.gov?”

During the press conference, while she stood next to the President, Sebelius accidentally unplugged the microphone, then knocked over the lectern, spilled a glass of water on the First Lady, and then accidentally shot four disabled veterans in the audience. “My bad,” she said afterwards.

In a separate development, the VA released a report showing that most veterans are “a bunch of whiners” and “should stop getting sick.”

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