NRA calls latest wave of shootings “cute”

7 Jun

WASHINGTON–speaking in front of conservative groups here today, NRA leader Wayne Lapierre called the latest wave of senseless gun murders “cute,” noting that “everyone has to start somewhere” when it comes to pointless killing sprees.

“Look, that guy in Seattle was doing his best,” said Lapierre. “I mean, he was new at this, and the Pacific Northwest is tough for a kid trying to break into this game. And I think it’s just adorable that someone could open fire and only kill one person, you know? We should be trying to build this guy’s confidence up, not tear him down.”

Lapierre pledged that the NRA website would soon include a “tips and tricks” section for mentally ill people seeking to inflict maximum casualties. “I mean, I want these people to at least have some self-respect afterwards,” he explained.

Meanwhile, President Obama said that he would have liked to push gun-control legislation, but “the security of our free state is just too darn reliant on all these well-regulated militias.”

2 Responses to “NRA calls latest wave of shootings “cute””

  1. List of X June 7, 2014 at 10:19 pm #

    But the NRA really is helping. I mean, aren’t they fighting to let mentally ill people (among others) buy assault rifles with as little hassle as possible?


    • twissblog June 8, 2014 at 3:36 am #

      Seems only right…I mean, if you’re mentally ill, you have enough troubles already without having to do a lot of paperwork just because you want to buy an assault rifle


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