Maliki says Iraqi army is doing “a heckuva job”

23 Jun

BAGHDAD–as thousands of Iraqi army soldiers fled the battlefield, removing their uniforms and dropping their weapons, Prime Minister Maliki announced that the military was doing “a heckuva job.”

“I couldn’t be more pleased with how our men are performing,” said Maliki at a press conference here today. “Our battle plan is unfolding exactly as we’d hoped.”

Maliki insisted that the rapid collapse of several Iraqi army divisions was all part of an elaborate stratagem to make the militants “overconfident.” He also explained that soldiers removing their fatigues were just changing into the army’s new uniforms, which consist of civilian clothes “and a frightened expression.”

The PM insisted that the army would soon recover all the territory lost with minimal casualties.

Speaking from Texas, former President George Bush endorsed Maliki and noted that his “thoughts and prayers are with the Iraqi oil fields.”

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