Supreme Court rules corporations can do “whatever the hell they want” in the name of religious freedom

1 Jul

WASHINGTON–in a thoughtful, tightly reasoned ruling, the Supreme Court today found that corporations can do “whatever the hell they want” as long as they claim some kind of religious motivation.

“Our country was founded on religious liberty,” said the majority ruling. “Therefore, we’ve decided to toss everything else out the window. Go nuts.”

The case began when the craft store Hobby Lobby claimed that the religious principles of its owners prevented it from complying with the Affordable Care Act and covering contraception for employees. The suit was then joined by Walmart, which noted its longheld religious beliefs that the minimum wage, health and safety requirements, and anti-discrimination laws were “tools of Satan” it could not in good conscience adhere to.

Afterwards, the American Restaurant Association revealed its “longtime but hidden beliefs” that kitchen hands should never receive overtime, while several construction firms pointed to their belief that being hurt on the job is “God’s punishment for carelessness” and that compensating injured workers is a “sacrilegious tampering with His plan.”

The ruling came on a close 5-4 vote, a split historically associated with some of the Court’s finest work, such as Bush v. Gore and Citizens United.

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One Response to “Supreme Court rules corporations can do “whatever the hell they want” in the name of religious freedom”

  1. PiedType July 1, 2014 at 12:18 pm #

    You’ve summed it up beautifully!

    Like

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