SPECIAL REPORT: Looking to the future, Republicans plan to nominate a middle-aged white guy for president in 2016

5 Aug

TWISSBLOG EXCLUSIVE–after months of investigation, Twissblog can now reveal for the first time that the Republican Party, concerned about its appeal in light of changing American demographics, is highly likely to nominate a middle-aged straight white man for President in 2016.

“We’ve been looking at this for the last several years,” said one senior Republican strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “America is changing, and we thought–what kind of candidate should we put forward? And we’ve decided to take some risks here and nominate a white dude, probably in his 50s.”

A Republican congressman who also asked not to be named observed that “the party’s backbone has a lot of great African-Americans, Latinos, women, you name it–but it’s time we went a different direction.”

The congressman, who coincidentally was a middle-aged straight white man himself, shared data to explain why the party was headed in this direction. “88% of Americans are now men,” he explained. “100% are white, and 94% were born between 1955 and 1965.” Asked about the source of the numbers, he explained that they “came straight from Paul Ryan’s budget experts.”

The only other presidential elections in the last 100 years in which the GOP candidate was a middle-aged white guy were in 2012, 2008, 2004, 2000, 1996, 1992, 1988, 1984, 1980, 1976, 1972, 1968, 1964, 1960, 1956, 1952, 1948, 1944, 1940, 1936, 1932, 1928, 1924, 1920, and 1916. Before that, you have to go all the way back to 1912.

20140806-103748-38268749.jpgJust some of the white people the Republican Party has already elected to Congress

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One Response to “SPECIAL REPORT: Looking to the future, Republicans plan to nominate a middle-aged white guy for president in 2016”

  1. List of X August 5, 2014 at 11:36 pm #

    Let’s be fair, their candidates are more diverse than white middle aged guys. There are also white old guys.

    Like

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