NYPD announces pilot program of arresting white people who commit crimes

5 Dec

NEW YORK–Commissioner William Bratton today announced a “landmark” change in the NYPD’s approach to policing, announcing a small pilot program that will experiment over the coming months with arresting white people who commit crimes.

“While I realize this departure from traditional practices may unsettle some, it is the next step in our never-ending journey towards equality,” said Bratton.

Starting January 1, the NYPD will start arresting “up to ten white people every week” who have committed crimes. The focus will initially be on serious crimes that can carry the death penalty, such as selling loose cigarettes, carrying Skittles, or looking suspicious.

Lesser crimes such as running over pedestrians while drunk or domestic abuse would continue to attract fifty-dollar fines.

If the pilot program is successful, the NYPD could expand it until “five, or even ten percent of flagrant crimes committed by white people lead to arrests,” Bratton said. “But that would be over a long phase-in period, of course.”

When asked if crimes such as illegally foreclosing on homes or misleading investors could lead to arrests, Bratton held up his hands. “Let’s not get crazy here,” he said.

Bank robbery will lead to swift and certain justice, unless it is done by the senior executives of the bank

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